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Let’s start with the part I’d rather not tell you: I’m currently $50,000 in debt.
Even writing that sentence makes my chest tighten a little. Not because I’m ashamed (well, sometimes), but because it brings up the same old script I’ve been working hard to rewrite: You’re failing. You’re irresponsible. You should be further along by now.
Sound familiar?
Every now and then, I still have flare-ups—moments when the anxiety spikes and I find myself yelling across the kitchen, “I’m so stressed!” My wife raises an eyebrow, I take a breath, and I remember: I’ve been here before. And I’ve built practices that help me find my footing again.
This essay is about how I return to myself when the numbers don’t look good—and how you can, too.
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Broke Baggage Is Real (But It’s Not Permanent)
After coaching thousands of people through money anxiety, I’ve seen this pattern across every income level: financial stress isn’t about how much you have—it’s about how much emotional baggage you’re carrying.
I call it broke baggage: the emotional weight of money-related fears, stories, and survival responses that live in your body. You can make six figures and still feel broke. You can have debt and still feel calm.
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The difference is in your relationship to money—not just your reality.
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For me, broke baggage shows up when I check Stripe and see no new sales. When someone unsubscribes from my paid newsletter. When I get that daycare bill (parents - I see you đź‘€) on the first of the month.
But I’ve learned something important: these are just triggers. They’re not the whole story. And I have a plan for when they hit.
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The 3-Minute Reset: B.A.F.A.H.
I use a five-step tool called B.A.F.A.H. It’s a framework I developed for calming my nervous system when money panic strikes. You can use it in any moment of financial fear:
- B — Body: I start by wiggling my fingers and toes. It brings me back into my body and sends a signal to my brain that I’m safe.
- A — Acknowledge: I name the real fear. Not just “I’m stressed,” but: “I’m afraid this means I can’t support my family.”
- F — Feel: I locate the fear in my body. Sometimes it’s a knot in my stomach. Sometimes tightness in my chest. I breathe into that space, giving it attention instead of trying to push it away.
- A — Action: I take one small, doable action. Maybe I send a follow-up email. Maybe I check revenue trends over the past quarter to get context.
- H — Hum: Yep, I literally hum. It stimulates the vagus nerve and helps shift me out of fight-or-flight.
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This takes three minutes, max. And it brings me back to center.
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It’s Not About the Numbers. It’s About the Meaning You Assign Them.
This is the heart of broke baggage: ​
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It’s not just that you’re anxious about money—it’s that you’re telling yourself the money means something about you.
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You’re behind.
You’re failing.
You’re not safe.
You’re unlovable.
Let’s pause here. Can you relate?
Those thoughts aren’t facts. They’re interpretations, usually rooted in childhood money messages, cultural expectations, or internalized fear.
So I work with them like any coach would: I challenge the story.
When my brain says, “You’ll never get out of debt,” I ask:
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- What’s the smallest action I could take today to prove that wrong?
- Is this actually about money—or about fear of not being enough?
- What part of me needs reassurance right now?
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Over time, these questions have become my lifeline.
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How I Practice Emotional Stability (Even With $50K in Debt)
Here’s what I want you to know: your sense of safety can’t be outsourced to your bank account.
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If you wait until the numbers are perfect to feel peace, you’ll be waiting forever.
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Instead, I protect my emotional state even while things are messy. I use a few go-to practices that help:
- Gold Paint Visualization: I imagine coating my body in a layer of warm gold light—an energetic force field between my self-worth and my financial circumstances.
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- Trigger Planning: I pre-schedule times to check my accounts and prepare emotionally before I do. That way, a low balance doesn’t hijack my entire day.
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- Downward Arrow Technique: I trace my money fear down to its root value. Often, it’s not “I need more money,” it’s “I want my kids to feel free.” Once I identify that, I can think of non-financial ways to meet that need.
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- Data Zoom-Out: If I’m spiraling over one bad day, I zoom out. What do the past three months show? What’s trending upward, even if the wins are small?
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These tools don’t change my debt overnight. But they change me.​
And that changes everything.
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You Can Feel Broke and Still Feel Okay
If you’re in debt right now…
If you’re not earning what you need…
If money has you in a chokehold and you’re tired of pretending it doesn’t…
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I see you. I’m with you. And I want you to know: you can build an emotional safety net even before your financial one is in place.
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Your worth isn’t in your numbers.
Your capacity to thrive isn’t gone.
You’re not bad with money. You’re human. And you’re learning.
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Your Turn: Try This
Pick one of these to practice this week:
âś… Use the B.A.F.A.H. framework next time financial anxiety flares
âś… Try the Gold Paint visualization before checking your account
âś… Write down your top 3 money triggers
✅ Use the Downward Arrow Technique: keep asking “why is this important?” until you hit a core value
✅ Zoom out: look at your financial trends over the last quarter—not just today
And if any of this resonated, forward it to someone who might need it. Let’s drop the shame and talk about money like the whole humans we are.
Now go get paid.
x Claire
P.S. Need more personal guidance and accountability? Book a 30 minute coaching session here! ​
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