In today's session, we meet Melanie, a product manager in her 30s specializing in strategy and innovation. After leaving a toxic workplace, she faces a dual challenge: finding the motivation to search for a new job while wrestling with the fear that no healthy workplace exists for her skills.
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\"I really enjoy not having a job. Not gonna lie. I really like not working. I love it so much... I know in a few months not having a job is gonna be really painful. I have a runway. I see the end of it.\"
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Melanie's situation echoes a common struggle I hear from many women: enjoying the freedom that comes after escaping a toxic environment, yet feeling paralyzed by the fear of reentering potentially harmful spaces. Like the young executive recruiter from last month's newsletter who constantly heard \"you remind me of my daughter,\" Melanie feels caught between wanting respect and fearing rejection.
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🔍 Key Moments
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These exchanges reveal the emotional journey and breakthrough insights from our group coaching conversation:
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The Avoidance Pattern
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Early in our conversation, Melanie acknowledged a pattern many of us recognize:
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\"One of the other things I was doing to deal with my anxiety was like falling into the click hole of avoidance... I started thinking about how about I just substitute more body movement for when I would normally pick up my phone and dive in and get lost in reading everything on the internet.\"
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While this replacement strategy improved her mental state, Melanie realized it didn't address the core challenge: \"None of that is advancing my job search.\"
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The Fear Acknowledgment
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The breakthrough moment came when Melanie recognized the dual fears holding her back:
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\"I'm afraid of failing and of success.\"
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This acknowledgment opened space to address the underlying emotions rather than simply focusing on behavioral strategies.
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The Practical Reframing
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When I suggested viewing her situation as different \"puzzle pieces\" rather than seeking an idealistic perfect job, Melanie responded with relief:
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\"I like that a lot. Because I was laid off two years ago and I took a year... it was gonna be three months and then it became a year of sabbatical just to deal with the fallout from that previous workplace. But even like the day I was, I found out I was getting let go, I was like, finally I can pursue this ideal. And that's been in my head and I almost feel like it's too high, right? A pedestal.\"
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💡Universal Lessons
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These key insights from Melanie journey can transform how you navigate similar challenges:
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\n1. Redirecting Anxiety Through Body Movement
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Melanie discovered that substituting physical activity for digital avoidance helped manage her anxiety: \"Moving my body feels good and helps me with my anxiety about other areas.\" While this didn't directly advance her job search, it improved her mental state, creating better conditions for eventual progress.
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📝 Apply This: When feeling anxious about a difficult task, substitute unconscious avoidance behaviors (like endless scrolling) with intentional physical movement. Track how this affects your ability to later approach challenging tasks with a clearer mind.
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2. Recognizing the Pedestal Problem
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Melanie realized she had placed her ideal job on such a high pedestal that taking action became nearly impossible: \"I was like, finally I can pursue this ideal. And that's been in my head and I almost feel like it's too high, right? A pedestal.\"
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📝 Apply This: Identify where you might be idealizing a future outcome so much that it's creating paralysis. Write down what a \"good enough\" next step would look like—one that moves you forward without requiring perfection.
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3. Creating Pragmatic Parallel Tracks
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Fellow participant Carrie shared a practical approach that resonated with Melanie—creating two job search tracks simultaneously: \"I'll do one track that's for jobs I think I can get that'll pay the bills... And then I'll do a search of jobs that are more in my wheelhouse but are more competitive.\"
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📝 Apply This: When facing uncertainty, develop parallel approaches: one focused on immediate practical needs and another on longer-term aspirations. This prevents all-or-nothing thinking while maintaining forward momentum.
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4. Finding Proof of Possibility
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Amber, another participant, told a story of discovering that good workplaces exist in her field, which provided powerful evidence that Melanie's fears, while valid, weren't universal truths: \"I caught just a glimpse that this is what it could be like... It was a healing experience for me.\"
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📝 Apply This: Seek out concrete examples that contradict your fears. Connect with people who have found what you're looking for, even if their exact circumstances differ from yours. Use these \"existence proofs\" to challenge limiting beliefs.
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🧠 Behind the Breakthrough
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From Idealism to Pragmatism
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When Melanie mentioned pursuing her \"ideal\" job, she revealed a common pattern: placing our professional aspirations on such a high pedestal that we become paralyzed by perfectionism.
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The breakthrough came when she shifted from seeking the perfect role to assembling a pragmatic \"puzzle\" of job components that worked for her current life season. This moved her from paralysis to practical next steps.
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Think about areas in your own life where you might be:
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Waiting for the perfect opportunity instead of pursuing good-enough options
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Setting standards so high that action becomes impossible
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Focusing on what's missing rather than what's available
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The Power of Fear Acknowledgment
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Notice how differently these statements feel:
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\"I should be job searching but I'm not.\"
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\"I'm afraid of both failing and succeeding in my job search.\"
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Same situation, entirely different emotional experience.
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When Melanie acknowledged her fears directly, the energy in the conversation shifted from judgment to understanding. This simple acknowledgment created space for strategic thinking rather than self-criticism.
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✏️ Your Turn: Interactive Exercises
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Insight without action creates little change. These structured exercises translate the session's breakthroughs into personal experiments you can begin today. Each practice is designed to build specific skills that support lasting transformation.
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1️⃣ The Puzzle Piece Assessment (15 minutes)
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This assessment transforms overwhelming job searches into strategic decision-making by clarifying your priorities for this season of life.
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Instructions:
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List all components of your ideal job: learning opportunities, meaningful impact, collaborative team, reasonable hours, fair compensation, etc.
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Rank these in order of importance for your current life season (not forever!)
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Circle your non-negotiables (maximum 3)
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For your next job application, evaluate how it aligns with your top priorities
This analytical exercise helps you identify potential workplace toxicity before accepting a position, empowering you to make informed decisions rather than leaping from fear.
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Instructions:
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Reflect on past negative workplace experiences
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List observable warning signs you could detect during interviews/research
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Develop specific questions to ask in interviews to uncover these patterns
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Create your personal \"green flags\" list showing what healthy workplaces demonstrate
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Example:
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Warning Signs:
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All-male interview panel
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Vague answers about work-life boundaries
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Turnover patterns in similar roles
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Interview Questions:
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\"How do you measure success in this role?\"
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\"What's the typical communication style after hours?\"
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\"How has this team handled disagreements in the past?\"
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3️⃣ Fear Acknowledgment Practice (5 minutes daily)
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This reflective practice transforms paralysis into momentum by bringing unconscious fears into awareness where they lose their power.
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Instructions: When procrastinating on job search tasks:
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Take three deep breaths
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Ask yourself: \"What am I afraid might happen if I succeed? If I fail?\"
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Write down these fears without judgment
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Notice if acknowledging them creates any emotional shift
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Choose one small action to take despite the fear
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🛠️ Resource Recommendations
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Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans This book applied design thinking principles to career transitions, particularly valuable for moving past perfectionism toward practical exploration.
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Focus Timer for Productivity This app blocks distracting websites during designated work periods, helpful for managing the \"click hole of avoidance\" Melanie described.
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🤗 This Week's Mantra
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\"I'm building momentum through imperfect action.\"
This Week's Question: Have you experienced a period of unemployment that was both liberating and anxiety-producing? What strategies helped you navigate this contradictory experience?
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Show others that they're not alone by sharing your experience on social - be sure to tag us (@ladiesgetpaid and @clairegetspaid on Instagram) so we can comment back 😉
Feeling inspired and want to inspire others? Take advantage of your free coaching session so your journey can illuminate others. Camera wll be off and identifying details changed.
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A digestible deep dive into a better work-life Really Good Work Advice Happy Monday! Welcome to another edition of "Work in Progress," a mini-series where I take you inside real coaching sessions with actionable insights and exercises. This one is from yesterday's meetup(hope you can make it to the next one!) I've changed all names to protect privacy, but the challenges, breakthroughs, and human moments remain authentic. Here's why I'm so passionate about this series and how I think you can...
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