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Building a better work-life. |
Hey Reader,
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Have you ever found yourself staring at a draft message, wondering if you're being too harsh or perhaps not direct enough?
Today, I want to share insights inspired by a recent exchange that taught me valuable lessons about communicating in challenging professional situations.
The Situation: When Business and Friendship Collide
Imagine this scenario: A friend has been helping with your small business on an informal basis. You both initially discussed the possibility of building something together, but as your strategy evolved, the business direction shifted.
After months of collaboration, they send you a formal proposal with compensation terms that are beyond your current budget. When you suggest a more focused arrangement with performance-based pay, they express feeling undervalued and reconsidering the relationship entirely.
Your first instinct? A defensive response that, while honest about your position, would likely damage both the professional relationship and the friendship.
The Communication Challenge
In professional relationships that overlap with personal connections, we often face competing needs:
- Being truthful about our position
- Acknowledging the other person's perspective
- Maintaining the relationship
- Achieving our business objectives
When emotions and finances intersect, our initial drafts often fail these tests. Let me show you the transformation from potentially harmful to constructively direct using a fictionalized example.
The Before & After
Initial Draft:
"I understand if you don't want to work on this commission-based project. That said, we never discussed payment for the previous work at all ๐คท
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I see this project as benefiting both of us in different ways, and any revenue we generate means more opportunities all around. But if this approach isn't aligned with what you want to work on or you don't feel confident those results can be achieved quickly, I get it. You need to focus on what brings in money for you now, and I certainly don't want to stand in the way."
Areas of Improvement:
- The shrugging emoji comes across as dismissive of a serious concern
- The tone feels defensive rather than understanding
- It places all responsibility on the other person to adapt
- It subtly suggests they lack confidence or ability
- It ends with a statement that could be interpreted as "take it or leave it"
Revised Version:
"I appreciate your candid feedback. You're right that you've contributed significantly to this project, and I understand your hesitation about working on a commission basis, especially given the current economic climate.
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While we hadn't previously discussed retroactive payment, I recognize the value of the work you've put in. You make a fair point about how the direction of the project has evolved since we first started discussing it.
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My thought was that this revenue-sharing approach could benefit us both, with you taking a significant percentage to acknowledge your contribution. But I completely understand if that doesn't align with your current needs or market assessment.
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I value both our professional relationship and our friendship. Let's take some time to think about how we might move forward in a way that respects both our needs. I'm open to discussing other arrangements that might work better for you. Take the time you need to consider options, and I'm here when you're ready to talk further."
Key Principles for Diplomatic Directness
Based on this experience, here are principles you can apply in your own challenging conversations:
1. Validate Before Defending. Notice how the revised message begins by acknowledging her contributions and the legitimacy of her concerns. This isn't just politenessโit signals that you've truly heard and respect her position.
2. Own Your Part. The revised message acknowledges the shift in business direction without denying it. When we take responsibility for our decisions (even good business ones), we create space for honest dialogue.
3. Explain Without Justifying. There's a difference between explaining your reasoning and defensively justifying yourself. The revised message presents the logic behind the commission idea without insisting it's the only right approach.
4. Offer Dignity-Preserving Options. The original ending felt like pushing her toward the door. The revised version keeps multiple possibilities open and puts her in a position of choice rather than reaction.
5. Remove Emotionally Charged Element. The shrugging emoji and phrases like "You gotta focus on what will bring in the money for you now" carried subtle judgments. The revised message sticks to neutral language.
Practicing Diplomatic Directness
This week, I invite you to:
- Identify one challenging message you need to send
- Draft it without filtering
- Review it using the five principles above
- Revise for diplomatic directness
- Ask yourself: "How would I feel receiving this message?"
Remember: Being direct doesn't mean being harsh. The most effective communicators maintain clarity while preserving relationships.
I'd love to hear about YOUR experiences with diplomatic directness. How do you balance being clear with being kind? Hit reply and let me know - I read every message!
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Now go get paid.
x Claire
PS Want to be coached 1:1 by me? Schedule your complementary call here!โ
In this week's newsletter:
๐ง How to Activate Your Network For Your Job Search
๐๏ธ RSVP: Re(Balancing) Act: How to Reclaim Your Time + Energy
๐ค Why Your Edge is the Key to Advancement