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Welcome to Ladies Get Paid, a weekly newsletter that helps you own your worth and expand your wealth.

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TL;DR

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• Becoming aligned in one area of your life has a domino effect
• The importance of tuning into your subconscious
• Learning to trust yourself

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When I left my husband for Ashley, I’d never been with a woman. Not even a drunken college kiss.

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But when I decided to end my marriage, I did it with unflinching certainty that for the first time in 30 years, I was being undeniably true to myself. I trusted my decision, I trusted myself.
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I'd been building that trust over the previous year. I started Ladies Get Paid, toured the country speaking to thousands of women, and witnessed myself stepping into my purpose.
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I was becoming successful without the security of a full-time job and that sparked self-confidence, or self-trust, that began to spread to other areas of my life.

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Becoming aligned professionally, made me realize how unaligned I was romantically.
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I was 26 years old when I said yes to his proposal. He wholeheartedly encouraged my ambition and I was convinced no other man would cheer on my independence the way he did. He also provided financial security and despite my claims of feminism, I still subscribed to the "knight in shining armor" fantasy.

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In exchange, I traded emotional intimacy, rationalizing that no one is perfect. You can't have it all.
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Except what if you could...?

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Here's what I discovered:
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Even though I didn't see my work as "radical" at the time, getting sued later by a group of men's rights activists, made me realize it was. It turned out that encouraging women to own their worth is a sort of middle finger to society (or at least it's seen that way by some people.)

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Questioning the wage gap made me question other things.

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Being around so many women in those town halls, bravely sharing their stories, made me braver in what I allowed myself to feel.

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When I got home, I felt misplaced. Out of sorts, out of alignment. It was like I went from a world of color when I was doing Ladies Get Paid, to a world of grey when I was at home. I craved the color. I realized I craved Ashley, too.
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It didn’t start that way. It began as a feeling that can only be described as jealousy when I saw her speaking to another woman. At the time I didn’t register it as such but it did strike me as odd, I remember feeling perplexed at this pit in my stomach.
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Fast forward to one night after hosting a meetup, I felt a sudden and swift urge to kiss her. I needed her to know how amazing she was and this felt like the most appropriate way to do that.
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I won't go into detail what happened next (saving it for my memoir!), but the next few months were the most alive I'd ever felt.
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It was also messy AF.
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I made it messier by trying to please everyone. I let my guilt take the lead which only made things worse. I got through it by holding on to the technicolor feeling I had with Ashley; there was no going back.
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I was angry with myself though. Angry that I'd been this blind to this part of myself while claiming to be so self-aware (and spending thousands of dollars in therapy.)
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Good Girl DNA runs deep.
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(Even now, Ashley will point out ways in which I silence my needs in exchange for people-pleasing, and it's a daily practice to tune into my subconscious.)

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That's in large part what this newsletter, and Ladies Get Paid, is about.

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Rewiring that DNA in a way that honors our truth and builds self-trust.

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I share all this to celebrate the beginning of Pride Month, and also to encourage us to stop the mental and emotional jiu-jitsu we all do in service of "society", of not rocking the boat, of avoiding the mess.

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Because I'd rather have a messy life that's full of honesty.

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Here's what that looks like in practice:

• Stop sacrificng our needs and desires in honor of something or someone else.
• Choose disappointing others over disappointing ourselves.
• Tuning in to our inner light and gain the self-trust to follow it, wherever it may lead.
• Raise our standards, in all areas of our life.
• Believe we're worth of more.

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THIS WEEK'S ACTION STEPS

➡️ Identify ways in which you've silenced your subconscious. What were you (or are you) protecting yourself from?

➡️ In what areas of your life do you feel a magnetic pull? How can you lean more into them?
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