By opening up these private coaching moments, I hope to create another way for us to collectively exhale and say, \"I'm not alone in this.\" And from that place of connection, change becomes not just possible but inevitable.
In this session, we meet a 25-year-old executive recruiter who works primarily with much older, established professionals. Despite her competence and growing confidence, she regularly faces comments like \"you remind me of my daughter\" and struggles to be seen as a respected colleague rather than \"a third little daughter.\"
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\"One of the things that I struggle with, and a lot of my friends and peers struggle with at this age, is I have some years of experience under my belt, but I'm still seen as a child.\"
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🔍 Key Moments
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These pivotal exchanges reveal the emotional journey and breakthrough insights from our coaching conversation. Listen to hear both the challenge and the transformation in our client's own words.
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The Reality Check
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Early in our conversation, we acknowledged a difficult truth: navigating workplace bias is a tightrope walk that marginalized individuals must contend with:
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\"When you are not in the quote norm, when you are quote 'other,' you will always feel like you might need to play catch up. And there's this balance of being yourself, but also playing the game.\"
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This framing shifts the perspective from \"What's wrong with me?\" to \"How do I navigate this structural reality?\" – a crucial distinction for maintaining confidence.
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📝 Notice how simply acknowledging systemic challenges can be liberating. When we understand that certain difficulties aren't personal failings but structural realities, we gain emotional freedom to approach them strategically.
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The Paradigm Shift
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The breakthrough moment came when we reframed seemingly patronizing interactions as potential opportunities:
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\"How do I leverage this? How does this become an opportunity for me? If they want to think that I'm their daughter, then that's fine... I'm not going to wait five years for someone to respect me.\"
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This perspective transforms the narrative from \"enduring until I'm older\" to \"strategically using these dynamics today.\"
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💡Universal Lessons
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These key insights from our session aren't just for our client—they're universal principles that can transform how you navigate similar challenges. Each lesson includes a specific way to apply it to your own circumstances.
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1. From Manipulation to Strategy
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When my client described her approach to navigating difficult workplace dynamics, she initially used the word \"manipulation\" – with all its negative connotations. By reframing this as being \"strategic,\" we unlocked a powerful mindset shift.
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Apply This: Notice where you might be judging your own adaptability as \"manipulative\" or \"inauthentic.\" How might reframing these behaviors as \"strategic\" free you from unnecessary guilt while acknowledging the realities of your environment?
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2. Converting Disadvantages to Advantages
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The client initially saw being perceived as \"daughter-like\" as purely negative. Through our conversation, she began to recognize potential advantages: mentorship opportunities, relationship-building potential, and unique access to senior leadership.
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📝 Sometimes our greatest frustrations contain hidden opportunities when viewed through a different lens.
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Apply This: Identify one workplace challenge you currently face. What might shift if you asked: \"How could this apparent disadvantage become my unique advantage?\"
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3. Authenticity Across Contexts
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We explored how authenticity doesn't mean behaving identically in every context. Just as we naturally adapt our behavior between home and work, we can be intentional about which aspects of ourselves to highlight in different professional settings.
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Apply This: Consider how you might consciously \"wear different costumes\" in different professional contexts while still honoring your core values and identity.
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🧠 Behind the Breakthrough
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Ever noticed how a simple shift in perspective can suddenly make a difficult situation feel manageable? This section explores the turning point in our conversation and why it created such a powerful shift.
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From Endurance to Empowerment
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When our client mentioned waiting \"until she was 30\" to be respected, she revealed something we all do: resigning ourselves to situations we believe we can't change.
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Think about areas in your own life where you might be:
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Waiting for circumstances to change instead of adapting your approach
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Seeing a challenge as something to endure rather than navigate strategically
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Focusing on what's unfair rather than what's within your control
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The breakthrough came not from changing her colleagues' perceptions, but from changing her relationship to those perceptions.
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The Power of Relabeling
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Notice how differently these statements feel:
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\"I'm being manipulative when I adapt my communication style at work.\"
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\"I'm being strategic when I adapt my communication style at work.\"
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Same behavior, entirely different emotional experience.
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We all carry labels for our behaviors that either empower or diminish us. When our client reframed her adaptability as \"strategic\" rather than \"manipulative,\" she immediately felt relief and possibility rather than guilt and constraint.
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This simple relabeling technique works in countless situations - from how you approach difficult conversations (\"I'm being thoughtful\" vs. \"I'm being avoidant\") to how you manage your time (\"I'm being selective\" vs. \"I'm being lazy\").
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👉 What behaviors might you benefit from relabeling today?
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✏️ Your Turn: Interactive Exercises
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Insight without action creates little change. These structured exercises translate the session's breakthroughs into personal experiments you can begin today. Each practice is designed to build specific skills that support lasting transformation.
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1️⃣ The Meeting-Before-the-Meeting (5 days)
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This preparation strategy transforms how you're perceived in meetings by ensuring you're never caught off guard. By connecting with stakeholders beforehand, you'll enter conversations with confidence, position yourself as a proactive professional, and significantly increase your contribution impact.
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For your next five meetings:
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Reach out to at least one key stakeholder beforehand
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Ask: \"What are the key points being discussed?\" or \"Is there anything I should prepare?\"
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Come with at least one thought or question prepared
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Track how this preparation affects your confidence and participation levels in the actual meetings.
This analytical exercise helps you transform challenging workplace dynamics into strategic opportunities. By understanding what drives others and what they can offer you, you'll navigate relationships with intention rather than frustration, creating pathways for growth even in difficult environments.
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Identify 3-5 key relationships in your professional life where you feel underestimated:
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For each person, note what they seem to value (authority, expertise, relationships, etc.)
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Identify what this person could potentially offer you (mentorship, connections, visibility)
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Develop a specific approach for each relationship that honors your boundaries while leveraging existing dynamics
This communication tracking tool identifies speech patterns that might undermine your authority. By making unconscious habits conscious, you'll transform your verbal and written communication, ensuring your expertise comes through clearly without unnecessary qualifiers or apologies.
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For one week, monitor your written and verbal communication:
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Record instances of \"just,\" \"sorry,\" excessive exclamation points, and question inflections
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Note contexts where these appear most frequently
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Experiment with more direct alternatives
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The goal isn't to eliminate these entirely, but to make them conscious choices rather than unconscious habits.
\"The Politics of Promotion\" by Bonnie Marcus A practical guide to navigating office politics with integrity and strategic thinking. Particularly valuable for understanding how to build influential relationships while staying true to your values.
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\"Brotopia\" by Emily Chang Explores the culture of Silicon Valley and offers insights into navigating male-dominated industries. While focused on tech, the strategies apply broadly to any field with significant gender imbalance.
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\"The Confidence Code\" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman Combines scientific research with practical advice on building authentic confidence, especially valuable for professionals navigating environments where they're frequently underestimated.
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Just Not Sorry (Gmail Plugin) Highlights qualifying words in your emails that might undermine your message, helping you communicate more assertively.
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Otter.ai (Meeting Transcription) Record important meetings (with permission) to review later, which can help you focus on your presence and participation rather than frantic note-taking.
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Notion (Relationship Management) Create a personal CRM to track professional relationships, conversation topics, and follow-up items to build more strategic connections.
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🤗 This Week's Mantra
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\"I'm playing a strategic game, not compromising who I am.\"
This Week's Question: Have you ever been underestimated due to your age, appearance, or identity? What strategies helped you navigate this challenge?
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Show others that they're not alone by sharing your experience on social - be sure to tag us (@ladiesgetpaid and @clairegetspaid on Instagram) so we can comment back 😉
Feeling inspired and want to inspire others? Take advantage of your free coaching session so your journey can illuminate others. Camera wll be off and identifying details changed.
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A digestible deep dive into a better work-life Really Good Work Advice Happy (end of day) Monday! Over the eight years I've been leading Ladies Get Paid, I've seen a lot. But there's one thing that always gives me chills. It's the collective exhale when someone shares a struggle and a bunch of hands shoot up in recognition. The email I always get after an event: "I thought I was the only", makes me feel, despite all the hardshit, that this was all worth it. With our community of 50,000+...
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