How to Alchemize Shit Into Gold
An excerpt from last week's edition of Really Good Work Adviceβ
Life used to be easy - for a little while anyway. But starting at age nine when my parents split the family up and I was living with friends for a few months, I quickly realized that you better learn to swim if you don't want to sink. I learned it fast.
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Life kept throwing curveballs at me, each one a sucker punch harder than the last. A divorce. A lawsuit. Business on the brink of bankruptcy. Burnout. Massive debt. Medical crisis. Existential crisis. The list goes on.
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And yet, when I was flat on my bank or curled up in a fetal position, each time little Claire inside me would whisper, "Don't just take it. Don't let them win." I had to somehow, someway, transform the shit into gold. And I did.
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π« A divorce led me to come out and meet the love of my life.
π« A lawsuit led me to a book deal.
π« Burnout led to sustainable work habits.
π« Being broke made me heal my relationship with money.
π« Watching my son endure two open heart surgeries made me open my own heart.
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I want to call myself out for a second, however. "Led to" sounds too passive and "made me" isn't quite right either. I believe this is what happened:
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I hit rock bottom so hard; I simply didnβt have enough energy to indulge what wasnβt working.
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With my son's surgeries, I was like a friggin' nub: a raw bundle of nerves, exposed, electric, vulnerable AF. I frankly didn't have the capacity to overthink or overanalyze, it was simply one foot in front of the other, in the direction of the next best thing that would heal my son - and myself. Creating a parent support group, writing a memoir, giving speeches at medical conferences...it didn't require energy because it was actually GIVING me energy.
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I'm aware that that's not "normal" for everyone. My sister-in-law texted me, "I don't think I could've done it" which got me thinking: I'm not special. I'm just intentional.
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And so I reviewed all of my life's obstacles and was able to chart a direct path to all of my life's most amazing experiences. It became clear that the ups cannot happen without the downs. So I asked myself:
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Is it possible to create a process of healing that leverages suffering for something better? Someone better? That someone being us.
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This edition of RGWA will go through a six-phase process (plus three critical questions) I identified to help you transform obstacles into opportunities, or as I like to say, shit into gold.
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But first, let's define shit. It's anything that disrupts your life with a negative impact. Not getting the job you wanted, losing a loved one, a breakup, a breakdown. Itβs an experience that destabilizes you. It's scary and you hate it.
So you resist.
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You resist by avoiding your feelings, avoiding difficult conversations (with others and yourself). You rationalize, react impulsively, over-analyze and over-indulge.
In short, you make things worse.
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We compound the chaos, internalizing the external disruption, and in that, we literally embody pain. Thatβs why our bodies carry so much tension - itβs all that energy, inside us. No amount of massages or βself-careβ is going to help. At least not in the long-term.
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That's why you have to go through each of these six phases before you can leverage them to your advantage. If you skip any of the phases, itβs an in-the-moment shortcut that feels better but wonβt yield the lasting change you want and deserve. It also veers into toxic positivity which is like a bandaid on a deeper wound.
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To facilitate this process, I recommend:
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Get a special journal and pen
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Create an βalter to youβ with talismans and childhood photo(s)
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Carve out specific times during your day - setting an alarm helps) to reflect on whatever phase youβre in
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Connect with at least one other person who has experienced this - you donβt have to know them, it could be a book youβre reading or a person youβre following on social
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